Kitteh nightmares and starting over


Sorry, guys…that’s all the funny I can muster up today.

But it fits. Woke up at 3 A.M. having messed up dreams about my cats. No, not zombie-kitty dreams. More like flashes of memories, a picturesque guilt ridden subconscious? More than likely.

In a nutshell, I desperately miss my babies. And now I’m crying again. Fuck.

I’m seriously just trying to stay angry. Anger works for me. Gives me that fire I need to push onward, even if I often want to curl up into a fetal position and wait for death.

I’m sticking with angry.

And if it wasn’t for the cats, this whole experience would be a helluva lot easier. Cuz I’m pissed as all HELL at him. No surprise there…

But the babies didn’t do anything wrong, and they miss their Mommy.

Just have to keep reminding myself that they will be fine, and eventually, so will I.

So since I’m apparently unemployed AND homeless, I’ve been on the job hunt today. Writing gigs, P/T office work, pretty much anything I can do to make some money. Cuz I’m pretty sure no one is going to give me a place to live without some sort of income. I’m not THAT awesome.

Hell, tomorrow I’m going to convince a dude that he needs me to clean his house. Ya know…cuz it’s become that desperate.

And….I just got a call about a position I applied for, so I’m gonna quit my fucking cry-baby pity-party bullshit, have a smoke, and call the woman back!

Damnit! 😉

Cross your fingers and toes and whatever else.


~ by christel42 on June 29, 2011.

One Response to “Kitteh nightmares and starting over”

  1. Aaaahhhh, feelings. Nice post. I’m sneezing just reading it. Fucking allergies.

    I agree with you…ANGER gives me energy.
    I pray for my anger daily, because it gets my ass moving.
    Anger, for me, is “the desire to change”. Without it I’m screwed, or worse, I’m left balled up in a corner as life moves right on past me.

    But today, best of all, my anger keeps me clean, because I’m feeling my feelings, telling the truth, and trusting in the process.

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